


sELFies

by twowritehands



Series: sELFies [1]
Category: Bright (2017)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, M/M, Sexting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-11 03:13:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13515471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twowritehands/pseuds/twowritehands
Summary: Elves like to take pictures of themselves. Kandomere likes to send the pictures to Nick :)





	sELFies

Jakoby may have gotten next to no applause from the crowd when they put the medal around his neck, but he hadn't gotten any _boos_ , which was a vast improvement. It would have been enough for Nick if that had been it, but then Daryl clapped for him up there in front of everyone. Best day of Nick’s life.

The precinct went out for drinks after the ceremony. The bar was overcrowded with cops, but also a surprising number of Fogteeth orcs who behaved themselves and raised glasses to Jakoby regularly.

“Cops and gangsters drinking together,” Ward shook his head. “Now I've seen everything.”

It was a stretch to say the two crowds were “drinking together.” More like they were under the same roof with a very distinct line separating them. Like oil and water.

“Congratulations, officers,” a smooth lightly accented voice said behind Nick. Ward stiffened and put his drink down. Nick whirled to find Agent Kandomere, the blue haired elf, leaning an elbow on the bar and grinning at him. His fine suit made it seem like maybe not a great idea to put his elbow on the sticky bar surface. The elvish tie plate at his collar glinted in the low lighting of the bar.

“Oh,” Nick said. He felt a blush coming on as an alluring scent touched his nostrils. Kandomere wore something that reminded him of waterfalls, jungle musk and skinny dipping. “Uh. Thanks--Thank you.”

Panicked, Nick looked to his partner for help.

“Sup?” Ward asked with that cool guy chin up nod thing.

Kandomere ordered a drink, sliding onto the stool next to Nick.

“Didn't think feds bothered to come to these things,” Ward said.

“We keep tabs on all… _interesting_ persons.” The elf returned. He didn't outright call Ward a Bright but he might as well have.

“Y’all gotta get a new definition for Interesting,” Ward grunted. “We’re just a couple beat cops.”

Nick nodded fervently. He would back Ward’s play of Extreme Denial for as long as his partner required it of him. Just a coupla beat cops. No magic. No wand. No resurrections. No brights. No prophecy.

“Yeah just… cops.” He murmured nervously.

Kandomere grinned a little, thanked the bartender when his drink arrived and then said,

“That may be so… but you’re beat cops that went above and beyond to stop a terrorist plot. The federal government owes you a debt of gratitude.”

“Hey, awesome,” Ward turned and slid off his stool. He raised his glass to Kandomere. “You wanna make it up to me, you make my credit card debt go away.”

Kandomere smirked, tiling his head, those silver eyes locked on Ward. “I’ll see what I can do."

Ward, who had been joking, balked. “Wait. What?”

Kandomere shrugged. “We made other things go away for you. What's a little more?”

“Why the hell would the government pay my bills?”

“In the interest of keeping a powerful but desperate man’s head above water so that he doesn't… do anything _stupid_? We can do plenty.”

Ward peered hard at Kandomere who looked back with calm ease. Nick held his breath, eyes cutting between the two. Kandomere seemed to be insinuating that Ward might go after another wand in hopes of fixing the tight situation he was in financially. It struck Nick as so much of a _non_ threat, he almost felt like laughing. But he didn't.

At length, Ward huffed. “You don't owe me shit,” he said. “I let you do that, then I'm over the barrel owing _you_.”

“Would you truly turn away this help?”

Ward puffed up, and the pride that Nick knew his friend to have seemed about to burst out of him with a flat refusal to take the easy way out. Instead, he paused, nodded and then downed the rest of his drink. “I'm going to take my wife home. Discuss some things. You and your offer gonna disappear if I do?”

“I am based in LA,” Kandomere said. “Reaching me will never be a problem.”

Ward looked at Nick, seeming lost. The best Nick could think to do was raise his eyebrows. Perhaps he was missing something, but it sounded like a sweet deal.

Leaning close, Ward murmured to Nick, “I'm out. Don't let this fucker make you any promises. And you sure as hell better not commit to doing a damn thing for him. Got it?”

“Right.”

“We’re just cops, right?”

“Right.” Nick said again.

Ward nodded, gripped Nick’s shoulder, and left.

Just like that, Nick was alone with Kandomere at the crowded bar. He nervously sipped from his beer and tried not to stare or make it too obvious that he was breathing in that night-in-a-jungle-paradise scent. If he had to describe what the smell did to him, he'd have to say, _like crisp clean sheets brushing my nipples._

Kandomere studied him unabashedly, eyes lingering on Nick’s profile as the beer bottle went to his lips. He didn't speak at first, and Nick wondered desperately if he could wander away without being rude. He had no idea what to do or say.

“You're an honest man,” Kandomere said at last. He moved just a little closer. “And loyal. Bravery is a given.”

“Thanks,” Nick grunted. Was this a trap? A lead up to a trap?

Kandomere smiled at him. A shining interest in his eyes made it not professional at all. “You're a good cop, Jakoby.”

“Thanks.” Jirak, it was like that was all he was capable of saying! He drank his beer to mask the fact that he had no idea what else to say.

“Wow,” Kandomere chuckled. The sound was so musical, Nick’s ears twitched to hear more. He looked over into a shining face so handsome it hurt. “I've never had to try this hard.”

Nick blushed. Kandomere came even closer so that their shoulders brushed. “You can let your guard down, you know. I’m not here to trick you. Or spy on anything. I'm off the clock. Just a man having a beer with a sexy local hero. Or trying too, anyway.”

Embarrassingly, a perfectly shaped guffaw jumped from Nick’s throat. He rolled his lips over his teeth nubs, but allowed himself to meet the eye of the man that had come onto him so bluntly.

Kandomere gave a big smile. “Too forward?”

Nick shook his head. “You--” he began and then stopped. After a breath and a nervous look up to the ceiling, he said. “You smell good.”

This felt like the dumbest thing in the world to say, but it had the desired effect. Another chuckle, this one sounding pleased. “Good opener. Keep going.”

“Yeah?” Nick asked, scratching his too hot neck. “That wasn't weird?”

“Hey, I pay a lot of money to smell like--” here he said some elvish words that Nick recognized as a name brand of the world’s most expensive cologne. “Go on. What else?”

Nick loosed a breathy laugh. “You're intense.”

“Thank you.”

Gaining some nerve, Nick narrowed his eyes. “And arrogant. But you can't help that anymore than I can help being brave.”

Kandomere tossed his head, laughing. “Ohohoho, is that right?”

Nick swelled his chest, smiling as he boasted. “Yeah.”

“So _you_ can't help but to be brave, and _I_ can't help but to be an asshole?”

“I didn't say asshole, but sure.” Nick knocked his knuckles in a restless rhythm on the bar. He was having fun. Kandomere shook his head but he was smiling.

Who knew calling an elf an asshole to his face would _work_?

What could he say next that would keep this energy sizzling?

Something buzzed persistently from Kandomere’s pocket. His open, relaxed expression shuttered. He checked his phone. Nick waved a hand, granting permission for him to take the call if needed. Appreciation washed uncertainty from his brow.

“Hold that thought, hero.” He put the phone to a pointed ear. “Agent Kandomere.”

Nick settled against the bar and sipped, trying not to eavesdrop on Kandomere’s side of a work call. Sounded like there was an unexpected break in a case. Something about a paper trail and illegal dragon racing.

He hung up and looked regretful. “That was my boss. Something’s come up.”

Nick felt a thunder clap in his gut, a cold front of disappointment colliding with warm relief. Now he didn't have to worry about letting Ward down somehow. He gave the elf a casual shrug.

“Yeah. I understand. It's the job.”

Kandomere gave another one of those winning smiles and pointed the phone at him. “That's why I like people with their own badge.”

“See ya around I guess.” He meant it as a goodbye. Casual.

Kandomere nodded, eyes as determined as his voice,

“Definitely.”

Nick should not have felt so amazing. Ward was right; it made more sense to stay away from magic feds. But…

It was nice to be seen like this. Few wanted orcs, and those who did tended to share orc tastes for big teeth. Nick might have been brave but he was weak in other ways.

If Kandomere showed up here again, Nick would make sure something happened before the phone rang.

::::::

Two nights later, Nick got out of the shower and picked up his charging phone. A text waited for him on the lock screen. He didn't recognize the number. It was a picture, so he had to open the app to see it.

Who would send him a pic? Everyone he knew was programed into his phone. Things like Viruses didn't occur to him until he had already tapped the bubble. There was two seconds of tense, desperate hope that he didn't just fall for a cheap trick. Then it loaded.

He laughed.

It was a selfie of Kandomere, from the neck up. His tie and shirt were loosened. His hair had been flipped and parted all to one side. With his head tilted, the picture showed off a creamy neck and a wicked expression, wet lips parted.

Hot as hell, but still mildly confusing. Nick curled up in bed and replied.

_How did you get this number?_

The response came in a timely fashion.

_FBI database has everything._

_Appropriating work resources? Bold move. What if I just thought you were a creep?_

_Say the word and I'll never contact you again_

Nick had to think. He ended up getting out of bed and pacing around his apartment. Finally, he texted:

_It's not that I wouldn't like getting to know you… I just don't have a lot of time for dating._

The three dots said Kandomere was typing...typing...typing. Nick expected a lot more than just two words:

_I understand_

He felt bad.

_shouldn’t have led you on after the medal ceremony…sorry_

Awkward seconds plagued Nick until the reply pinged in.

_we haven’t lost all hope_

_we haven’t?_

_we’ll just do it like this…_

The following text message was a picture of Kandomere from the neck down, lying barefoot on a couch, his white button down half open to show a slither of skin above the waistline of his trousers, which were undone suggestively. Didn’t look like there was underwear to speak of.

Having never in his life resorted to phone sex (much less in text form) Nick had no idea how to respond. In the end, he sent back one word:

_More_

The next picture had a message with it:

The trousers were open further, and his hand slithered halfway inside, boney toes curled to show how good even that teasing touch felt. _Show me what you’re doing_

Nick learned in the next few seconds that good mood-setting pictures did not happen easily. He found himself worried about lighting, optimal angles, even background material and what it revealed about him. His best shot featured nothing but his lap, the warm looking blankets washed in the yellow glow of his old desk lamp, the bulge in his pajamas bottoms full of promise. He hated it, but it was the best he could do. Kandomere was waiting on him.

He sent it fast, before he could chicken out, and distracted himself by swiping back and forth between the two pictures Kandomere had sent, letting the naughty selfies stir his blood. When several minutes had gone by and Kandomer did not respond, Nick became paranoid that his amateur level pic had ruined it. He texted,

_I’m bad at this_

_Then why am I about to come?_ Followed by a five second video of his hand working himself in his pants, one two three slow strokes and one mindless little moan right at the end. Nick played it over and over and over again until he was leaking through his shorts. A new text:

_Now show me some skin_

Nick moved instantly into action.

Up onto his knees, he jerked his underwear out of the way and took a series of pictures of himself front and back, from various different angles and distances.

Scrolling through the options, he cringed at most of them, but had a winner. Basically it was a selfie with the world’s worst aim—he’d snapped a shot over his shoulder. The result was a bug’s view down the expanse of his back. His molten skin patterns branched like footpaths through blue fields over the terrain of back muscles to the crack of his ass. But the selling point was the mirror he had totally forgot about. The mirror built into his tacky 80s headboard reflected in full his round bottom and strong thighs, both pretty much solid blue.

He fell to his elbows and sent it. Then entertained himself by taking more pictures and trying out the video thing. Didn’t really work out, because the only one he made was 30 seconds of his frapping a two-tone dick in total self-conscious silence. He deleted it and tossed his phone aside in disgust.

With his face buried in his comforter, he rutted against the mattress, touched himself and imagined that they weren’t doing this the hard way and that Kandomere was here now, able to take this boner away without the awkward lulls and embarrassments that came along with this whole sexting thing.

Nick hadn't been laid in forever. He wished that damn phone hadn't rang the other night at the bar and taken the fed who-knew-where for who-knew-how-long. He'd been relieved at the time, because of what Ward said, but right here, right now, since sex was happening anyway, he wished it was happening in person.

Fuck, that would be so amazing.

He recalled that jungle scent and imagined sinking into wet heat with all that sexiness in his arms, heavy and panting sweet breath.

His orgasm hit harder than he expected. He must have been more overdue than he thought… or maybe the stars were just lining up. Few people got him so hot with so little.

Agent Kandomere was something else.

A text: _Amazing picture, perfect timing. Look what it did_ : a picture of Kandomere’s cum-splattered hand, his ruined pants.

Grinning in pride, Nick rolled away from the mess, took a sloppy picture of the wet sheet and sent it without worrying too much about the quality. At the moment his sex buzz kept him from caring.

_…pretty good at this for a sext virgin ☺_

_Thanks_

 

The next morning, Nick received a good morning message, which was a selfie of Kandomere in his bathroom mirror, bed rumpled, a sleepy eyed, crooked smile, the words Good Morning written in the fog, and subtly visible morning boner tenting his shorts.

Nick replied with a blushing emoji, the words _Had fun,_ and then, after a complicated photo shoot done as he got dressed, another picture of his ass. This time in his smallest briefs as he pulled on jeans in front of the bathroom mirror. The lighting was kind of shitty, but Nick liked the way his arms looked. He added the message: _Going to work_ to make it more of a relevant thing and not just a trashy skin pic….though who was he kidding? His good morning text was a half-naked picture...

A busy morning helped take his mind off the whole situation for these next several hours. Then, Nick’s phone made the noise. A text. He grinned but continued to watch street activity without checking it.

Beside him, Ward looked around. “Was that a phone?”

“Mine,” Nick said.

“Not Tikka, is it?” the man asked, worried. The elf bright had gone off grid with the instructions to contact them if she needed help.

Nick smirked, “Come on, Ward, other people text me.”

“Yeah, but how do you know it’s not Tikka?”

“I’ve been sort of chatting with someone for a few days.”

“Oh yeah?” Ward asked, rightly shocked to hear that Nick had something resembling a life.

He shrugged, but had to check after all because Ward had a point about it maybe being Tikka.

Not her. The sender was Kandomere, another picture that Nick would have to open the app to see. Relief flooded him. He had begun to worry that it would be words, some kind of criticism about when and how Sexting should be done.

“It’s nothing,” he lied. Really it was something. Something good. He actually wanted nothing more than to look at the text….no, _sext_.

“Hey, dude. It’s lunchtime.” Ward announced minutes later.

“You're turn to pick.”

“ _Not_ burritos.” Ward decreed.

“Okay. That burger place on the corner has decent salads.”

He bumped a shoulder. “Sounds good.”

 

Across town, they stepped into the semi crowded restaurant.

Nick checked his phone in line, he just couldn’t wait any longer to see what it was.

 _Working hard_ the message said. The picture made it a play on words, as Kandomere was leaning on a desk, palming himself through his pants. Today’s slacks made it easy to see the hard ridge. Nick glanced around to make sure Ward wasn't nearby, looked at the picture a little longer, and then pocketed the phone as he ordered lunch with a smile on his face.

Who cared what kind of person this made him? It was the closest thing to a relationship he could have.

Once he sat at the table, Nick had a moment to himself while Ward washed up. He pulled back out his phone, glanced around nervously, and then activated the camera. He had an idea of what to send.

A brief photo shoot with no variation of angle; just a straight on, up close shot of his mouth through the motion of licking his lips. He sent one that showed his tongue, adding the message: _im hungry_ , followed cheekily by, _Going to eat something_.

 _Fuuuuck_ Kandomere replied, making Nick warm around the ears. Maybe he was good at this.

Ward came in a few minutes later. “What are you grinning about?”

Nick swallowed a bite of his salad and tilted his phone to shield the screen. “Just texting.”

 _Oral is pretty much the only positive to having filed teeth_ Nick sent.

 _Want to meet up tonight?_ came the reply.

Nick glanced at his partner. Ward looked back, amused as he bit into his burger. He talked around the food since nobody's grandma was around.

“Someone cute? Ah? I can see it in your face! You're into them! Who is it?”

“Okay, don't get mad.”

Ward stopped mid chew, dark eyes narrowed. He swallowed the bite. “Why would I be mad? My wife ain't into no orcs.”

“Of course not. It's not your wife--it’s not a woman--”

“Figured.”

“--he’s an elf. Fed. It's that elf fed. Kandomere. He asked me out. What should I say?”

His partner scoffed. "Eyedunno” Ward made a face. “If you like the dude enough to be sending little heart emojis and dumb shit like--”

He snatch the phone out of Nick's hand to point out an example-- _so sure_ that the pair had been trading dorky comments. With one hard swipe, he scrolled to the top of the message thread.

“Let’s see--ho! Whoa! No!” Ward saw the pics and cut himself off with exclamations. It made folks turn their heads. Oh god.

Nick never thought he'd see his tough partner so bashful and embarrassed. Ward put the phone down quick. The apples of his cheeks crinkled with his huge smile, a restrained laugh shaking his shoulders.

Awkward silence.

Nick wanted to ritually cut his own throat and die of shame. Because the thread didn't just have sexy elf pics in it. There were straight shots of his own ass and dick there.

“Sorry.” They both said, at once.

“Wait, why are _you_ sorry?” Ward asked.

Was this a trick question? 

“Be..cause… you said not to commit to anything.”

Ward snorted and actually rolled his eyes. “Dude. I meant _about--_ ” He mouthed the word _magic,_ “--and all that mess from that night. I don't care about your personal life.”

“Really?”

“You do you, man. Just leave me out of it.”

Nick literally squirmed in his seat with happiness. “Deal!”

Ward went back to eating his burger with a (secretly fond) shake of the head. Nick resumed texting with earnest.

_Fin_

 


End file.
